the ugly duckling: beauty without looks

Reviewer Comments: I am a gigging musician and purchased this computer for live performance with Ableton, Native instruments and other applications.

Right out of the box I was struck by the super shinny mirror black cover surface with oodles the extra gloss silver trim, it gives the machine a cheesy pander’s look that goes beyond offense and places it in the realm of consciously in your face bad taste. Almost a satiric comment on Apple and Sony fashion statement machines (my girlfriend squirms at the look and I am somewhere between laughing and throwing up every time I close the lid).

Once we open the lid (and don’t have to look at it anymore) things get dramatically better, this is a very fast and powerful machine with a quality display and graphics. It handles allot of VST plugins without fatigue and can power usb driven outboard gear (a Novation SL controller, a Korg nano keyboard, NI Kore 2, and a jump drive) without going under - though I prefer to power the Novation with its own AC supply, one should never press one’s luck especially if we want to perform well).

It is useful, if you feel up to it, to get rid of much of the junk software that comes with the machine, do you really want to be part of an ASUS social network? The machine will run faster if you do. On the other hand the security software works well and is easy to configure.

A real negative is the keyboard, it is extremely clicky and needs to be beaten sternly so as not to drop letters (perhaps this goes with the look?). For a touch typer like me this is a real pain.

Battery life is ok, if you are a battery freak you will probably complain but for my one or two hours excursions away from real power this machine does perfectly well and does not let you down.

The bottom line is if you can get past the sheer tastelessness of its looks (or if you go for them) and if you hit the keys with passion, this is a powerhouse computer at what is a bargain price. The T9400 dual core processor and graphics with one gig of dedicated VRAM make this ugly duckling rock. Check it out.

Originally posted at J&R Electronics (legalese)

stuff sack sucks

Reviewer Comments: The sleeping bag keeps you warm in cold temperatures, but getting the sleeping bag back in the stuff sack completely takes a miracle from God…or a man with popeye strength forearms. It’s even more difficult when your fingers are cold. I would use this for car camping but definitely not for backpacking.

Originally posted at Dick’s Sporting Goods (legalese)

OMG!!!

Reviewer Comments: Warning!!!! Use of this product can and is addicting. Once it passes your lips no cheddar will ever compare. Can cause spousal conflict when supplies become low.

Originally posted at igourmet (legalese)

Quality without bells and whistles

Reviewer Comments: I just moved into a new flat so now I’m completely broke but I had to find some exercise equipment for the winter season. I’m actually from England and have been living in the states for about 3 years now. I am definitely a fan of all the food here in America and recently I noticed how large a fan I’ve become of it. I needed to lose some weight soon before my family saw me in my present condition. My Fuel elliptical has been absolutley brilliant. I thought I’d have to pay a minimum of at least $2000 for a quality product but this machine proved me wrong. No need to go into further debt Yankees, give Fuel a try!

Originally posted at Dick’s Sporting Goods (legalese)

These sheets wrecked my marriage

Reviewer Comments: What a mess these sheets are. The duvet cover is the worst offender, with buttons that seem to spring off spontaneously when someone slams a door in Wisconsin (I live in California). For weddings, everyone seems to register for these Calvin Klein bedding sets. They are lovely to look at…in the packaging. But beware, they are not deep enough for today’s pillow top mattresses, they wrinkle terribly, so the bed always looks a mess, and the buttons…my god the buttons. You’ll lose two buttons in the first wash, and it’s all downhill from there. Save yourself some money. Get something else. I don’t know if they will actually wreck your marriage. But I know that they are awful and my marriage failed. Coincidence? I think not.

Originally posted at Buzzillions.com (legalese)

A bargin at 10 times the price!!!!

Reviewer Comments: Sorry this story is so generic…. but you’ll understand.Somehow, an annoy-a-tron was placed on a light fixture near some evil co-workers. After hearing them whine about the beeping for several days one of the “evils” just happened to be under the light when it beeped. He reached up and smaked the light, the annoy-a-tron fell off and hit the floor. The guys looked at it and said “Oh my God!!! We’ve been bugged” They take it to the police who say, “it looks like a bug”. They call the (un-named state) B.I.. They look at it and say “yep, looks like a bug!” So they call the F.B.I.!!!! An agent comes down and looks at it and says, “Cool, where’d ya find the annoy-a-tron.”The Best [$] I’ve Ever Spent In My Life!!!!!!!

Originally posted at ThinkGeek (legalese)

C++ shrunk my brain

Reviewer Comments: Clearly all that C++ code must have shrunk my head, because this hat is HUGE. No, really. It’s so large I had to buy a new SUV just to carry it around. The description says “not for big heads”, and “diameter is about 7inches”. I’m now fairly worried that ThinkGeek is staffed by zombies with oversized craniums. I’m probably a larger-than-average human, I wear a size “large”, but I can still pull this hat down over my face. Some would say that’s a good thing.

The head-hole diameter is actually about 8 inches. Go and get yourself a tape measure, stretch it out to 8″ and put it on top of your head (insert pr0n joke here). Now look closely. See how much of the measure sticks out over your large, simian like ears? Yep. That’s how big the hat is. But wait for it, that’s only the head hole (yeah, go on, you come up with the proper technical term).

The entire hat, edge to edge, is over 12″. Yes, 12″. One foot. So if you’d like to wear a foot on your head, this is the product for you.

By the way, in case I didn’t mention it, the hat is too large for normal humans. Shame, because it’s “awesome” in every other way.

Originally posted at ThinkGeek (legalese)

More like Sweet ‘N Nasty mix

Reviewer Comments: This was the most unfortunate bag of sweets and salt I’ve ever happened across. In fact, if i wanted a similar experience, i’d be diving in the pacific ocean with a bag of sugar. It was stale, and over stimulating. I was distrought with disappointment, and cried for several minutes. alone.

Originally posted at Staples (legalese)

Finally, a pet with a power switch…

Reviewer Comments: Are you tired of the way your Roomba simply scuttles away every time you try to show it some affection? Disappointed that your Robosapien only wants to dance and practice kung-fu? Unable to get near your RoboMower now that it has developed a taste for blood? Then perhaps you should consider a Pleo.

The thing about organic pets, they add a lot of complexity to your life. If you do much travel, you’ve either got to kennel them, leave them with friends, or put them into a state of suspended animation using your home Cryogenics lab (ThinkGeek Item #1138). That’s why more and more people are turning to robotic life forms such as the Pleo. Pleo uses a variety of sensors including sight, sound, tilt, shake, and touch to explore and interact with the environment. If your Pleo is too loud, you can mute her. Too needy, you can turn off her power or pull out her battery. Pleo never piddles on the carpet, won’t eat snacks that fall on the floor before you can reclaim them in the name of the “five second rule,” and almost never gets drunk and picks fights with your ex-robots.

On the down side, Pleo only gets about an hour of activity out of each battery cycle. The soft thermoplastic skin has a tendancy to develop wear patterns fairly quickly. With the originally-shipped software, the “unique personalities” promised by early product marketing weren’t really all that unique, but greater degrees of variance are promised with future updates to Pleo’s LifeOS.

Personally, I like my Pleo. My daughter loves the Pleo. Then again, she also loves the box Pleo came in, the foam peanuts that protected it in shipping, and cloth napkins tied in knots because they “look like bunnies,” so YMMV. My wife…well, she’s always been sort of anti-robot, ever since I made her watch “Cherry 2000.”

Anyway, if you own more than one RoboSapien, if you’ve ever realized you could speak fluent Furbish, or if you’ve ever tried to verbally coach your autonomous vaccum on more efficient cleaning patterns, perhaps you’d enjoy a Pleo.

Originally posted at ThinkGeek (legalese)

garish!

Reviewer Comments: these shoes look really cute in the pic - however, I ordered the white ones, and i was REALLY disappointed. anyone seen vacation w/ chevy chase? well - remember when cousin eddie gives clark those awful white patent leather shoes? yep…

Originally posted at Chadwick’s (legalese)